Your Feedback; My Response

I got comments on my last blog that I want to share. First I’ll show you Calliope’s:

From a historical standpoint, I vote to honor the sacrifice of women and not a few men who secured my right to do so (q.v. 19th amendment). I don't like feeling disenfranchised!

I don't care who sees me or doesn't see me at the poll--I'd love to have a mail-in ballot in Minnesota, so it's not social approval I seek. But I'd get there come hell or high water because I like feeling part of the process. While I alone might not make a difference, WE the people can.

I vote because I'm privileged to live in a civilized society. The corporations that run the country . . . have enough of a say, so even or especially when it seems futile, it's the only way I can register any kind of a complaint that matters. It's as much a vote against apathy as anything on the ballot, and for me, apathy is the biggest sin, so voting is the least I can do.

So... I've read and re-read your blog on this, and I still don't know why you didn't vote! It's not like you don't have time to figure out the issues or where the candidates stand on them. There's a ton of ways you can do that, without listening to one tv ad, either negative or positive. You can watch debates, or read transcripts of them, visit their websites, and read read read. If you're interested.

I agree with letter-writing . . . but I don't know if the numbers-behind-the-numbers argument holds true for email. However, people with computers can crank out a well-written letter just as easily. I do both, (and yes, I used to volunteer, put up yard signs, attend rallies, and march in protest, too) and I applaud your neighbor's efforts. But that power goes only so far if it's ultimately a substitute for voting.

Thank you, Calliope.

Another reader pointed out how devastating it would be to our system if everyone felt that their vote didn’t count and, therefore, didn’t vote. I agree.

I swiftly pointed out to this person that, although my individual vote does not make any difference mathematically – it won’t change the outcome, if EVERYONE who believed that didn’t vote, that WOULD make a difference. But I also said that, although my individual vote won’t change the outcome, it matters morally and ethically and statistically whether or not I vote.

To me, he was changing too much about my statement to make any sense. He was kind of arguing a point I wasn’t making. I recognized this because I have done this plenty of times.

Some may say he was comparing apples to oranges. (It always makes me scratch my head when people say that. They’re both fruit, for crying out loud. They have a lot in common! I guess that expression is just lost on me.)

This brings me to address an issue I have now brought up twice: the fact that we need to learn how to debate each other. I don’t believe we stand a chance at living in a more peaceful world if we cannot argue civilly with our relatives, friends and neighbors. Since I have said this before I decided that I should offer some solutions.

I used to argue with an agenda. I would “listen” to the other person – because that’s what you’re supposed to do – only to find a way to insert my opinion to counter theirs. That’s the kind of “listening” that drives people to uncivil behavior. I know. I’ve been behind the wheel.

I used to “listen” while forming my next argument in my mind. I didn’t realize that I only made myself look bad. My response to their statements had little to do with what they actually said. Instead of letting them know that I heard them and understood (at least grammatically if not in principle) what they said, I showed them that talking to me was a waste of their time. I, of course, didn’t know this at the time and I would have argued with anyone who told me that.

Thank God, we usually grow up. Sometimes it takes every ounce of self control I can muster to sit and hear someone out. It takes all the patience I can gather to actively hear them. And it sometimes takes a lot of effort to make sense in my mind of what they are saying. It takes respect to question what I don’t understand without inserting my opinion.

Taking the time to do all this can be very enlightening. It can also be disturbing. It reminds us how complex we are.

When I am sharing my views about an issue and someone asks me for clarification it’s an exercise in reason, self-defense and certainty in my own self. This is not easy; not remotely easy.

I used to use the most dramatic speech I could think of in order to shock my adversary into the light. I used to use punchy phrases I’d heard others use effectively. The problem was defending those statements since they weren’t really mine. I looked ignorant.

Many people defend their faith by loosing pithy sayings like “God said it, I believe it and that settles it” or “If it’s good enough for Jesus; it’s good enough for me.” Both may be true but, in my opinion, when you start involving a third party in your defense of your beliefs, you should have their permission and you should be respectful of it. I am not a spokesperson for God. (I just wanted to say that before proceeding). I believe that God demands more of us. I understand the importance of faith (defined once to me as ‘the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen’), but I think God gave us our faculties to use and develop. God wants us smart - especially when we are throwing the name of God around to defend our arguments. God wants us to use all we’ve been blessed with to seek the truth and find it. Those of you who are parents, here’s a question for you. When your child is 18 years old do you want them to look both ways before crossing the road “because mommy says to” or because they recognize the dangers of walking into traffic? To my ears, hearing a mature adult say “because the Bible says so” is like hearing that 18 year old say “because mommy says to”. I have a lot of respect for the Holy Scriptures; I enjoy reading them (although my Bibles have been in eternal storage for over a year now). I try to remember to take what I read in the Bible and discuss it, pray about it, observe its relevance and evidence of it in life. This is new to me and I’m still figuring out how to do it.

This applies to more than just the Bible, of course. Look up information for anything online and you’ll find an assortment of opinions and “facts”. The Atlantic magazine ran an article about whether or not Google was making us stoopid (sic.). We are becoming dependent on instant information. We are depending on having instant information at our fingertips and, therefore, not really learning anything because we can just look it up. Yeah, but what if it’s wrong? We need discernment and that takes some research, reason and commitment. All that, of course takes effort and practice.

One more point. Let’s say you are in a debate and you are right but, because of the way you are phrasing something or because of your attitude, the other person isn’t receptive or just isn’t understanding you. Just as we need to question when we don’t understand how others come to their beliefs, I think we need to question ourselves in order to practice the art of explaining. I used to get hung up on convincing people instead of educating them. I used to get hung up on winning the argument rather than on learning anything.

I spend a lot of time practicing this in my mind. Thank God my husband, Douglas, is a patient man who will listen to me. He said he understood where the comment I mentioned at the beginning came from. He said that I didn’t make it clear that I realized that the individual votes add up and do, indeed, matter in all ways. I do understand that. I hope this clarifies things.

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