I Swear, it's True

It's countdown time here in Uzbekistan. Doug has 17 more work days unless the government calls another surprise holiday like they did last Monday. I have seven more Russian classes, four more hikes and two more Marine house happy hours. I'm looking over old blog posts I've written, but never posted. I hope you enjoy this one. Mother, you may not want to read this one.

I have fallen into the unfortunate habit of swearing. I am grateful that it is only when I'm alone. Well, sometimes poor Douglas is within earshot. I'm not sure how or why I wound up here. I have never liked hearing it except when used smartly and sparingly, which seems rare. Sometimes, I admit, I feel better after letting a few words fly, but I honestly believe that it's just the outlet that I need and not the words themselves.

I'm glad you cannot hear me as I sit here editing this post for publication. As I mentioned, I have a few unpublished drafts, so first I looked at another post for potential publication. It consisted of one short paragraph that was poorly written so I selected to return to the previous page where I could delete it. I clicked on the back arrow key, a message came up telling me that I had unsaved changes (wrong) that would be lost if I navigated back to the previous page. Did I really want to go back? Yes, I answered. It gave me that question four times before I finally exed out of the entire
f&%*#ing blog site. Then, while working on this posting, I highlighted a paragraph then attempted to drag it to relocate it. Instead of relocating it this sh#($$)y box highlighted everything in its path. (Yes, I released the highlighting function before I attempted to drag it. Duh.) It's a good thing I rarely drive here in Tashkent, that's another swearing trigger for me.

Okay, that's all the steam I'll allow myself to let off. All this happened in the space of two minutes. This is a typical computer encounter for me. This is why I'll (I'm typing this sentence for the second time as somehow it disappeared while I was typing below) NEVER join Facebook or any new site the techno torture masters come up with. I was dragged kicking and screaming this far. I've drawn my line.

Frankly, when I think of the definition of the few popular swear words we use in English in America, why would anyone want to say most of them?

Let's start with the one that rhymes with 'duck'. Consider what it means. To have sex. (In checking the etomology, it also has carried he definition of strike or push.) How did our society get from "to have sex" (f*ck) to "I'm so ticked, I can't think straight" (F*CK!!!)? Sex is pleasant (usually); being aggravated to the point of verbal assault isn't. Where's the connection? I try to resort to the olde verson, fie.

Now let's look at shit. Not literally, though Dr. Oz would be proud of us. Shit, excrement, bowel excretions - have I written enough? Yuck. This word matches the mood of the situation, granted. But to shout it in anger (particularly in front of innocents) just perpetuates the situation. And it's just plain ugly.

I do understand exclaiming God and all titles referring to God and Jesus. I don't like it or condone it (especially when He's on a crutch), but I understand it. We believe God can solve everything and prevent everything so we call out in want, need and frustration. I'm not sure it does any good. I know I'm more responsive when someone calls my name nice and gentle like. But that's me.

Of our choices, I like good ol' damn. That says it, unless you're directing it at a person, then I think that's taking it too far. To damn things to hell feels good and, in the case of this box with the keys sitting before me into which I'm putting these words, appropriate. (Note: It's already on strike two today. One more and I'm not going to post today. No sir. Won't happen.) I do believe that we need to leave the damning of people up to The Almighty. Which brings me to . . .

. . . the ever satisfying primal scream. One that starts in the depths of my soul works it's way past my diaphram, through the lungs and up and out the throat. Ahhh, yes, that's satisfying in the most tense moments. It satisfies physicall and emotionally. It wakes me up out of my anger stupor. I'm ready to act after a good primal scream.

I also like, "A pox on you." An oldie, but goodie. It can also defuse a tense situation, it's so outlandish. One of my friends favors, "Mother pussbucket." Watch Craig Ferguson for some creative editing of their guests verbal choices. An ex appears over the mouth of the offender (for you lip readers out there - you know who you are) and you'll hear a cartoon-like voice exclaim, "Juicy Fruits" "Ay Caramba" and a variety of others. Send me your personal favorites, please.

I don't think swearing should be eliminated, I just think we need to use it like we use perfume, spice, bright colors or clashing harmonies in music: thoughtfully and sparingly for effect. I love music that splashes in the tightest harmonies - non harmonic, really. In the context of the other notes and full melody it's enticing. It makes me listen. I can't stand atonal pieces. They don't make sense to me. I'm sure we've all been around someone who swears so freely to the point that they don't make sense. That  is like taking delicious garlic and smothering the dish to the point that you practically burn your tongue. I loved the movie, "The Princess Bride" for many reasons. One is there is a single swear word in the entire movie and it is well placed. Inigo Montoya has been searching for the five-fingered man to avenge his father's murder. When he finds him at the end of the movie, the five-fingered man pleads for his life. "I'll give you anything" he says. "I want my father back you son of a bitch."

I just don't like seeing potent words lose their effect. Doug and I had a funny conversation the other night. I saw a "Trespassers will be prosecuted" sign on television. I said, "If they really want to keep people away, they should post, "Trespassers will be vomited on." He did me one better. "Trespassers will be shat upon." Now that's effective.